Essay

 

A Break

The sounds from the traffic outside crawl through the half closed window and contaminate the rarely silence, which was present for a short period of time in the empty room. The sounds are swiftly drowned in the noisy impatient melody from my mobile phone that calls for the third time and is most certainly not bringing any vital information. But I choose to ignore these attention-seeking sounds and slowly slide under the water in the bathtub, where I am spending a quiet Sunday evening. My head is now completely covered by the warm water, and all kinds of noise are left at the surface. I find myself in a vacuum, where no sound can penetrate. It is a world isolated from the rest of the vibrant community, whose condition is becoming more and more critical and is probably ending up with a stroke. But in this world, in this silent world I have created under the water, it is only me who controls the speed, since I am the only existing creature in this small community.

 

The silence is slowly starting to be drowned out by voices. It is my own thoughts. They now have the opportunity to get out and be heard. They cautiously creep out, but with fear of being trampled down by the sounds from the surroundings. But they soon discover that they are the only voices in this room. I am able to hear my thoughts, and I then have the opportunity to reflect on them as long as I please, because time in this world is unlimited and there is no rush. But why is it so difficult to listen to these thoughts? Should they not be me priority?

 

One thought after another flies out of my head and can be heard as echoes in the clear water. It is in these short moments you have time to listen and understand yourself. Silence and retreat from the hectic everyday life is necessary if you want more balance in your life. In this very moment as I lie here under the water, I feel that I am getting closer to this steadiness. I have time for myself, which is almost impossible to have in this chaotic life, where you constantly have to be active or be social with people. When the phone rings it is expected that you answer it right away. And if you chose not to respond, you are forced to call back as soon as possible. So instead of doing what you initially planed to do, you feel obligated to call them back and spend a great amount of that little time you had after the day's chores were completed. The consequence of this action will be that the time I would have to find myself and achieve a total peace of mind is diminished.

 

A few bubbles are leaking from the corner of my mouth and slowly drift up to the surface, moving in a specific pattern. This reminds me of how short time is. I am reminded that even in my little isolated world, there is a certain time limit, which I had not considered. The amount of oxygen in my lungs is slowly reducing, but I do not want to leave this world. I do not want to return to the busy world, on the other side. Not yet. Give me just a few minutes more to find myself and find the balance to enable me to cope with this stressful world.

 

While several bubbles are leaving my mouth and nose, I close my eyes and listen hard and intense to the last thoughts. They are all pushing to get out and be heard. I wonder why so many thoughts fill this void. Are they suppressed and ignored? I do not have the answer, but the more I think about it, the more obvious it becomes. I hardly remember when I last retreated from the world and had time to completely focus on myself. It was long ago. When I try to achieve a totally relaxed state where nothing can disturb me, I get interrupted immediately. It may be telephone calls, messages, visits, or the thought of duties that has not yet been completed. It is virtually impossible in the modern world to find such a relaxing state of mind. Therefore I lie in the warm water and try to relax. But the limited time period, forces me to return to the noise and the stress.

 

             The last amount of air leaves my lungs, and I begin to feel discomfort at the lack of oxygen. With a quick motion I sit up in the bathtub and takes a deep breath. I look around. The peaceful silence under the water is now being replaced with all the sounds that belong to this stressful world. The traffic can still be heard through the window, and my phone rings incessantly. I once knew a calm and peaceful world. Where there was time to completely relaxed and even get bored ones in a while. It was at those times I could find myself and find the balance that I am longing for. It was an time without the modern technology for communication. A time where you had no mobile phone or email. This gave me the opportunity to relax ones in a while. But now I sit here. In the present. Surrounded by noise from various sources that meets in a discordant symphony, which sharp notes cut through the air. I want to go back. I want to go back to the silent void in my own world. I slowly lay my head back and is on my way under the water ones more. But I suddenly stop in the middle of this action, cause what good will it be? I will always be pulled in to this hectic reality again.